Vulnerability & Love

I have a poem for love and it goes like this: well it isn't a poem, more like a description, but it goes like this:

" Love is unconditional, it is pure. 

It doesn't hold any excuses, nor attachments.

It stems from a deep understanding of oneself. 

It is not jealous. It is not fearful. It is not limited nor limiting.

It is 100% unconditional. It is freeing and it is expansive.

It is beautiful. 

It smells like roses. 

It holds the colour magenta pink."

...

And here is a little reflection...

As of two months ago a special someone entered my mind again. 

It has been 4 years since we split up. 

The intention was clear and the feelings from my side were certain when we broke up. I knew he wasn't the one. 

But then for some really strange reason I started to think heaps about him and started to believe that he was the one. Funny how the mind operates; it holds on to the good memories and lets go of the facts.

I was traveling on this road of idealism and day dreaming, wishing, hoping, knowing that he would come back into my life. But there was uncertainty at the same time. So I kept checking his pictures...

Cutting the story short, I had to write him an e-mail and express my thoughts :o risking and putting myself on a very uncomfortable and vulnerable position because if a guy doesn't contact you is because he is definitely not into you. Plus I knew that he had a new partner and that they were happy. So I knew I was putting myself in the position of being totally rejected. Nevertheless, I HAD TO WRITE. For my sanity. 

So I did! And guess what... I was replied with a nice short and sharp: "That ship has sailed". 

There was an extension to those words, but my point is that even though my ego was totally against putting myself in a position of vulnerability and weakness, my sanity or my soul had to find closure and hear those words so I could come back to reality and face the truth. Plus is true, that is a well and dusted chapter.. however for some reason I was revisiting it. 

After that e-mail the only thing that could hurt is the ego. The soul feels light and free. 

This is why I wanted to share this experience! So you can also feel free and not be afraid of being vulnerable. 

It is so rewarding to honour our soul and have the freedom to express, ask and wonder about anything that troubles us without the fear of being judged, humiliated or been seen as weak. 

I thank my courage for sending that e-mail and by wholeness for understanding the truth. 

And here is how this reflection links to the 'poem' above:

On a real and honest level, my ego wants to reject his rejection. 

My ego is urging me to go partying, dress pretty and find reassurance on surface-level encounters. My ego wants to show him that indeed I am quite the catch, even though we both know that he is not the one. My ego needs to have his preference for me. 

SEE THE UGLY THINGS THE EGO MAKES US DO IF WE DON'T CATCH IT!!!

I would be lying if I said that those thoughts and impulses didn't enter my mind. I guess is our ego's job! To defend our dignity and position in this hierarchy. But when I breath and think of the beautiful fact it is that he has found someone who understands him, makes him feel good, gives him great times and who allows him to feel whole, then that is when I think and feel the real meaning of love. 

An unconditional love, a pure love. 

A love that doesn't hold to any excuses to make myself be right.

Nor has attachments in order for it to be true. 

A love that stems from a deep understanding of myself; that I am complete and that I do not need his lust in order to be full. 

A love that is NOT JEALOUS, but rather rejoices in his happiness.

A love that is not fearful as I know that this pure love is respected. 

A love that is not limited NOR LIMITING; he is to be 100% himself. 

And thus, a love that is 100% unconditional, freeing and 

expansive. 

It doesn't smell like roses because it is not a romantic love but IT IS beautiful and of magenta pink. 

This is exactly what I feel for him. 

I do pray and hope that with this understanding, one day we can find each other in the same scenario and see each other not as ex-partners but as two people that greatly appreciate, admire and respect each other. 

So to summarise, feel free to be vulnerable. And let's recognise love what it truly is, not something that just sounds pretty but in fact is hiding a whole lot of ugliness.

And lastly on another note, I do too believe we all have our special someone and that when we find them it is the embodiment of the description above, with the addition of the romantic part ;) :D

Atma Namaste

Here is to me always wanting to share my experiences hoping they serve others as much as they serve me.

Love, respect and unity,         

Lili         

Requirement for Happiness #1 THE RIGHT ENERGY

- Doing the things that are aligned with my truth, my purpose, my energy <3 -

This is what RIGHT ENERGY means to me. 

Doing things that bring life to my soul and that serve humanity.

...

My truth:

As I recently discovered my truth is both the negative and the positive, not just the positive.

But these two coming together and being one create the LIGHT. 

So my truth is the possibility to heal, to be something better, to find peace, to live in gratitude, to be appreciative, to better ourselves and make magic occur. 

This is my truth. 

Thus I have to live in this truth to partly fulfill my first requirement. 

My purpose:

My life would not be fulfilling if it didn't involve helping people feel better.

I have always been inclined to help people feel the yumminess of wellness.

First, with massage; I love when people feel that delicious feeling of relaxation. It is an innate sensation and ability for me that I love when other people feel it.

Second, when I studied Sport & Health Science, I felt like I had the answer to everyone and society's problems! Exercise. And I became passionate about being an advocate for physical activity and exercise :D

Third, coming into contact and understanding of our spirituality and how our etheric and unseen energy underpins everything that we are, I felt I had arrived at the root of the world's healing secret. 

Lastly, Isagenix and its excellent system and science of nutrition just puts the cherry on top of the ice cream with all that has to do with healing and being our best selves. 

So it is clear that my purpose definitely involves helping people feel better. To heal themselves and reach a level of wellness from which they can operate being free of pain. 

If I am fulfilling this requirement you can BE SURE to see me at my happiest.

My energy:

Honouring my energy is crucial for my long term happiness. 

 Being in places, with people and doing activities that nourish my energy is of outmost importance. 

So a daily practice of meditation is required. 

Working in a workplace that has high vibrational energy, too.

Having friends and hobbies that boost me up.

And most importantly, it has to be a large part of my work. Being able to work with energy and talk about energy. 

This is when we hit home.

My life without energy is completely incomplete !

To summarise: 

Live my truth that there is the possibility to be better,

Fulfill my purpose of helping people feel better,

Honour and always look after my energy <3

One Simple Life Goal

There is one simple life goal I have...

    and that is to  BE HAPPY.

and to be happy is simple. But at the same time it is not so simple. 

...

So today when I feel not so happy, I start to question myself as to what do I need to  be happy.

In the past, what kept me from happiness was not liking myself. For reals!... I did not like being me. I wanted to be someone else. 
It was what we call self esteem at its lowest. 

Then I learned that in fact I am different. And that I didn't like myself because I was denying me of me. As I tried to be like everyone else I was failing epically, an hence I hated myself. 

...

So now that I am more happy with who I am... there are still a few things missing..

When I had a secure job and was away from family, there was one thing missing.

I liked the job and I didn't mind being away from family; and I could say there were all these self-doubt aspects troubling me, but above that there was something more crucial holding me back from total happiness...
I lacked a sense of belonging. I didn't feel at ease with the people I was working with. I didn't like the energy. So the thing that was missing was the right energy for me.

So I quit as I was starting to have problems with my bosses and went back home to Oman. 

There, I started my own practice. And that had the perfect energy. But guess what?! There was something missing for my true and honest happiness. The things missing were volume and guidance i.e impacting more people and feeling like I was progressing.

So I set on the journey of network marketing, to have a greater impact and follow a path of success. 

...

Now, after 20 months...thing missing.... by this point I am starting to think there is something wrong with me! 

Thing missing.... Fuck! Vision, determination and action but blaming other people. 

Thing missing... no longer feeling 100% aligned with the company here in Colombia. Loosing faith and belief in the company. And without those things there is no ground to build a team. But ultimately things missing: Vision and Determination. 

So while I stopped the network marketing for a while and I am taking up my private practice again there is something missing!!! And that is ... BELIEF!!!!

Wow, I didn't expect this ending. I thought I was going to talk about money, purpose... what not. But the conclusion has end up being BELIEF!

I guess I'll get to work on that!

______________________________________________________

So to conclude...

Concrete things I need for my happiness:

1. Having the RIGHT ENERGY i.e doing things that are aligned with truth, my purpose, my energy <3 

2. IMPACTING the world, impacting people; and having a path to follow that is in alignment with my vision and my goals. 

3. VISION AND DETERMINATION, hold that beautiful vision that I have for my life and for the world and continue to have the balls to carry it out to completion! 

4. BELIEF IN MYSELF! To stop self sabotaging and blaming other things for my shortcomings and my failing to arrive to the finish line!

I think if the four things above are accomplished I will satisfy the fifth requirement:

5. MONEY! Beautiful money. 

It was never an aspect that affected my happiness. But in the stage that I am at now, being 29 and still not have my financial independence I realize that Money is a must!!! To buy and do anything that I want, whenever I want, however many times I want. 

(Side note: all this money translates to helping, impacting and having an effect on people while doing the things that I love!)

Simple. 

Summary: to achieve my one life goal to be  HAPPY, I have to do the things that I love, help people doing so, stick to my vision, believe in myself and get paid for the things that I do! Period.

Wohoooo! :)

Love,                          

Lili                     

  

New dimensions

I would like to write about the level of awareness which has risen in me from the deep experience of drinking yagé.

I always paint a pretty picture and I am also always looking at the positive and beautiful side of things. Driking yage put me in contact with my darkness. What do I mean by that? I kept seeing diabolic images and it was a ride of loads of dark images. But instead of going crazy and being in hell, knowing that I am light and that I was there to find answers and that it was all divinely guided and acompaned by, it allowed me to be centred and in peace while I saw all those images. Being there and then while observing the movie of darkness was of great understanding for me...that is after coming out of the trip. While I was in it and after the first puke I didnt really enjoy the journey and it required a whole heap of concentration to not enter a state of desperation.

It was of great understanding because while I couldnt cover up that darkness whatsoever with beautiful images and try to change the circumstances I was able to find peace or calmness among all of that and was able to understand that there is darkness in me. I saw images where the darkness was very present but as I looked up and made a journey upwards into the light things started to transform. However, they weren't separated or it wasn't like"quick get me out of here, this is hell" nope. It was more like "okay, this is the heavy part but I can move upward and experience the more beautiful things without ignoring, denying or overlaying the darkness.

Thanks to this images and to this experience, overlaying or masking darkness and making everything look pretty, perfect or positive is no longer real. Life and truth is equally darkness and light. And neither is good or bad. They just are. However, what I do continue to share is that the experience of our life can certainly be one of growth and enlightenment. From the darkness we grow. We can be in or witness darkness, however, we do not need to feel, live or be victims of the darkness or be blind slaves of it. We can experience the darkness and be fully awake and use it to ascend. That is what I continue to promote. Use the darkness as a tool to heal and move upwards. Darkness has its place and is not separate from us nor something we need to avoid or not experience at all cost. It is valuable and very very useful!

From this experience with yagé I comprehend the definition of light being the negative and the positive coming together.

Not negating or denying the darkness but making it part of me. 

THEY ARE BOTH ONE, or better than that, they are ALLIES, COMPLEMENTARY. 

One cannot exist without the other. They are partners <3 

Image by MrNikosN taken from http://www.deviantart.com/art/Hell-and-Heaven-379717865 on the 15th August 2016 at 10:47pm Bogota, Colombia Time. 

                     Love,                              

                                 Lili